Telling Women's Lives

The Confidence Gap RR Helen C

The Confidence Gap Reader’s Response

I found the overall article to be fascinating, but there were a few parts that struck a chord. One of my biggest weaknesses is not speaking up as often as I should in fear that what I say will not sound perfect the first time I say it. There was a story in the article about how a female associate at a law firm was extremely well practiced, but did not speak up during client meetings. The senior partner had to include confidence as a part of a formal performance-review process, which hurt her. I am afraid of this for me. How do I practice this? Where do I go from here? Apparently there are groups called Toast Masters that help with Public Speaking—I would love to invest time in this!

I also liked the part that said that people who are confident have expansive body language, a lower vocal tone, and a tendency to speak early and often in a calm, relaxed manner. “They do a lot of things that make them look very confident in the eyes of others”. “Whether they are good or not is kind of irrelevant”. “The most confident people were just considered the most beloved in the group” … “Their overconfidence did not come across as narcissistic”. This struck a chord for me. I am in a sorority where the girls change their profile pictures on facebook every week and expect to have 100-300 likes per photograph. Is it strange to assume that this may fall under the notion of confident people try to do things to make them look very confident in the eyes of others—and especially in the eyes of others…Facebook is a direct portal for the eyes of their sample market, Wake Forest University…and the target market being…employers, family members, loved ones, etc.

Also, I loved that this article touched on perfectionism. I am working on this right now—I am fighting the need to be perfect in a world of women who need to be beautiful, whatever that may look like. I grew up in a society where women in the south (I grew up in South Carolina) provided for their man emotionally and cared for the children 24/7 unlike the man. As I wish to be a working mother, I cannot afford to look and act like a ‘step ford wife’ like the mothers I was surrounded by during every dinner party, etc. I had to stop playing sports in high school and I found the arts to be a place where I could be honest, weird, truthful, expressive…it has been a wonderful outlet to express my inner self.