Daily Deacon

Thirty rescued from flooded nightclub, zerwick

I edited the short story we wrote for brevity and active verbs. I also checked the name of the creek on Google maps and added that. I moved the name of the club to the third paragraph because it’s not well known. The street, however, is well known by our imagined readers. I also moved the time element to the end of the first sentence. In general, starting with the time element slows the story down.

Firefighters used an inflatable raft to rescue 30 patrons from a nightclub on Northwest Boulevard after heavy rains flooded the parking lot last night, according to a report by the Winston-Salem Fire Department.

The report said that swift-moving water carried parked cars into nearby Peters Creek. Rescuers also a helped a man trapped on his car to safety.

Water had risen to a depth of four feet outside Studio 99 by the time rescuers arrived shortly after 9:40. The report does not mention any injuries.