Daily Deacon

Police Brief Edits

Good work with the police briefs. I’m not going to comment on individual work, but I will make some general observations that I hope will be useful to all of you.

1. Avoid police language, or jargon from whatever field you’re writing about. Try to write as though you were telling your roommate a story. Would you ever say, “upon arrival at the scene,” or refer to the “deceased,” or “an incident.” Instead of “the deceased,” you can refer to the dead woman. The word “incident,’ is vague. Refer instead to the fire, the shooting, the burglary or the death. Strive for precision and clarity.
2. Avoid the passive voice, whenever possible.
3. Those of us in the media shape our culture’s understanding of race. That means we all have a responsibility to make sure we are not perpetuating stereotypes or creating them. In general, there’s no good reason to mention the race of a victim or a suspect unless it’s of significance to the story. Is it relevant that the man who was electrocuted was black? If it’s not relevant, don’t mention it. When police are looking for a suspect, the race may be relevant. But make sure that police have provided a detailed description. A black man in his 20s is not a description that would help anyone find a suspect and only serves to make every black man in your community suspect.
4. In general, the name of a victim or a suspect doesn’t belong in the lede. The news is in the “what,” not the specifics of the “who.” But if the mayor is arrested, then the name belongs in the lede.
5. Find the news in whatever set of facts you’re dealing with. The story of the man who was electrocuted is extraordinary because he was salvaging copper wire. That’s unusual. (Good idea to try to expand the story, by the way, with on the growing trend to steal copper wire for resale.)
6. Check the spelling on all names. It’s up to you, the reporter, to get the facts straight, regardless of what the report says. The two clerks who were robbed at Hanes Mall worked for Buckles, not BUCKLES. When you make spelling errors you undermine your credibility.
7. Finally, avoid starting a story with the time element.

Phoebe Zerwick